Steady, fan. England's side might be heading into the third Ashes Test now 2-0 down, but not all within the England setup is fazed. Exists one collective perfectly suited for these circumstances, a dedicated unit who consider themselves the supreme masters of adversity. Is optimism crushed? Is the disappointment beneath the weight of failed hopes? In that case, enlist with the Barmy Army.
Even now, their first wave are descending upon Adelaide, the city where they first came together 30 years ago. England's iconic – and per capita noisiest – away supporters will be hoping for an triumphant anniversary upset, reminiscent of the one they saw on that mid-90s tour. And whatever happens on the pitch, away from the field the parties will be long and loud.
"The on-field action been extremely disappointing," he admits, "but we're the lucky ones, because we're on holiday. It's likely harder for the people at home."
Even a dramatic batting collapse fails to deter this group of seasoned campaigners. They've been watching England's top-order failures since earlier than the latest star took the field. They've seen more fielding errors than star players have international dismissals. Their collective record as an Ashes touring group stands at: contested many, lost often, won seldom. Those who comprehend how to survive a clean sweep, they are the long-standing fans.
Indeed, if you're watching, the Barmy Army do seem to be ubiquitous during this Ashes. Australian cameras at the grounds often appear more interested in the Barmies than on their own fans. TV partners frequently use them as banter-primed lead-in to a day's play. Even the players on the field acknowledge them, as a fan dressed as a royal figure conducting a rendition of a patriotic song.
It's possible that the Barmy Army's dual effect of history and omnipresence has now overshadowed quite how extraordinary their takeover of travelling fandom has been. Thirty years in the past a few travelling fans were brought together in comical mockery of their team at England's dismal away record. In the present day their story is so synonymous with the national team that their vibrant, "maverick" crowd is practically an accepted institution. They've undoubtedly come a great distance since the humble beginnings.
One veteran recalls the excited anticipation of the series start of that 1994-95 tour. After the hosts building a solid score, he initiated a small conga in the stands, teasing the home fans with a tune about convicts. "Local crowds shouted insults at us, then threw plastic cups – the treatment that we occasionally encounter today," he remembers. "However when we got back our small band of England followers had all participated."
Following defeat, England's tour continued to struggle. Any supporter following the team around the country must have been slightly mad. When it came to the later Tests their numbers had increased substantially. Those on the field, however, truly appreciated their presence at the grounds. When England secured a consolation win, a team captain invited a fan leader up to the victory celebration to direct the festivities. Such camaraderie remains.
Additionally, the large crowds the Barmy Army can muster are as valuable to the sport as they are to overseas venues. On this tour alone, their official tours will bring a large number of paying travellers. All kinds of celebrations are planned for the significant birthday.
This is, ultimately, an entity born of cricketing passion and business acumen. The reason they date themselves to a particular match is because that was when they started selling merchandise. The first small batch was so instantly popular – and lucrative – that it began a commercial operation. Since then, the original members have helped turn a group of mates into an respected travel company.
That carries its own issues, especially at a time when sport is looking to shed some of its lads-lads-lads image. The Barmy Army's management are quick to note that a significant portion of their supporters on tour are now women. As times have changed, the chants have had to get more family-friendly, too. "Comments that were common 30 years ago you cannot utter today, and that's absolutely right," says a director. "It's not possible to tell someone how to behave in their own space, but we won't support songs that are offensive."
Could the Barmy Army become more sedate? The demographic is now in their fifth decade – similar to the original members, who have been content to withdraw from the day-to-day running. One founder is experiencing this tour purely as a punter – leaving a fresh team to populate the Barmy Army's digital presence. "You forget how hard it used to be to coordinate with each other," he laughs. "It was all done all by word of mouth – 'everyone's going to the pub!'"
Turning to this Ashes series, the unlikely scenario of a 3-2 turnaround persists, which is classic Barmy Army indeed. In the event England succumb in Adelaide … well, the next tour awaits.
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